When you like somebody that you know you shouldn’t because A. they’re not actually that great of a person B. Your best friend likes them or C. They don’t love Jesus and don’t have plans on loving Jesus. There are so many reasons why you would like somebody and know that you just can’t be with them, it’s not going to happen so you’ve got to push them out of your heart and mind. That is something that is just so tough to do. I personally have dealt with that for the last 2-3 years and I’m finally able to say ” He’s not the person God has in store for me and I’m okay with that.” The other day one of my friends messaged me and asked me ” How do you stop liking someone or caring about someone you shouldn’t?” At first I felt like this was a bit of a smack in the face to me from God, as I’m still talking to the person that I’ve tried so hard to detach myself from. I just felt like God was saying, ” Hannah, you know this all too well, but it’s okay because I put you in this situation so that you could answer her question one day.” So, thanks God for preparing me. Even though it hurt just a lil bit. What I realized is that she and I aren’t the only people going through this and that many other guys and girls are dealing with this type of heartbreak. However, no matter how much you try to forget that person, especially if they are your first real love, then they will always forever have a place in your heart. Now, how do you be okay with that?
The one obvious thing you need to do is try to cut all ties or at least cut out any flirting. Yes, you can still be friends with them if that’s what you feel like is best for you both. Although, if you feel like it’s only going to tug on your heart strings and make it worse in the end, then my advice is to cut it off completely or as much as possible. This means unfollow them on instagram, turn the notifications for them off, unfollow them every where. The only place I think is okay to keep them on, is Facebook. If you feel like this will still be hard seeing them on Facebook, then I would unfriend them on that too.
One thing that has helped me to get myself to really realize that this person isn’t good for me, is by setting up a chart. What I did was I took a piece of paper and drew a line down the middle of it. On the left side I labeled it Good and the right Bad. So on each side pertaining to whatever the label is, you would write down Good or Bad traits about them. No, I don’t mean they have beautiful blue eyes that sparkle just like the ocean. I mean are they thoughtful, selfless, caring, do they love Jesus ( if that’s something you look for in a guy who could be your spouse one day. ) What about the bad things? Does he cuss even though he knows that’s something you don’t like, maybe he’s a little racist, maybe he doesn’t really respect you or any women at all, maybe he doesn’t show love to his mom even though she’s loving back. There are so many bad qualities somebody could have that pertain to you yourself and what you feel you don’t want in a person and what you do want. By the way, if he’s disrespectful to his mom, he’s probably not going to treat you that great as his wife either. Even if him and his mom have a bad relationship due to something that happened, he should still be somewhat civil to her. At least, that’s what a man who knows Jesus would strive to be like. Once you make this list, you can start to see how the bad outweighs the good and visually seeing that will help you yourself realize that he’s not as great as you remember him being. Which is totally normal, because we do try to see the best in people and sometimes that only blinds us.
One way that might help you is getting closure. This one is gonna take a bit of bravery, but stay with me. I think that talking to the guy or gal you’re trying to get over, can help a lot. Especially if you’re feeling like you don’t want to talk to them anymore, it’d be good if you told them why before you just randomly start ghosting them out of nowhere. I understand in some circumstances you do not need to do this at all. If this guy or gal is abusive to you, or causes you harm in any way physically, verbally, or mentally, then maybe this isn’t the best step for you to take. If it’s easier, maybe bring a few friends to come with to watch out in case things get out of hand. I would personally meet in a fairly public area, maybe like a coffee shop that’s fairly busy so that you are safer with more people around in case things go wrong. If you’re not one for face to face confrontation, you could always write them a letter or send them a text, maybe even call them and then block them immediately after you send it as you do not want them to try to convince you to keep talking to them after you’ve already made up your mind with a clear head. Just make sure to let a friend know that you’re doing this if the person you’re detaching from is a little abusive or out of control sometimes, that way your friend will know to check up on you afterwards and make sure you’re okay. I find if you’re emotionally attached to somebody like I was, this is a big help.
One thing that has helped me is whenever I have the urge to text or call them, I would give myself something to do. For instance, I really want to tone up my body and lose some weight so whenever I thought about talking to him, I would make myself go running instead or do a workout that I’ve pinned on Pinterest. Even better, you can go to a gym and work out because you’ll be even less likely to call them when you have people all around you to listen to your conversation.
Maybe working out isn’t in the books for you, so how about some therapeutic shopping? If you love shopping, why don’t you create a budget for yourself and go have fun. Maybe invite a friend or two and go out to eat. There are so many things you can do to distract yourself. If you have a best friend that will listen to you, then maybe call them or go see them whenever you’re missing that person real bad. Just make sure they are a friend who is gonna tell you how it is and tell you that you do not need to be talking to that person, rather than encouraging you to talk to them.
The fifth thing is actually the most important and most effective way to help you get through this hard time. That is to pray about it! God is always there to listen and he’s your BFF! He’s been there longer than your BFF. Even if you and your worldly BFF were born together, well he’s been your BFF before you were even created in the womb. God loves when we talk to him like he’s our BFF because he needs that friendly interaction from you just as much as your girl friend needs from you as well. A lot of the time, we try to deal with hard times such as this by ourselves and when we do, God waving his hands at us like ” Hey, I’m over here all you have to do is talk to me about it.” He’s sitting on his throne thinking ” Girlllll, if only you knew the plans I have for you.”
Spoiler: He has some pretty dang awesome plans for you.
If you’re not really into the whole praying thing or if you’re like ” Hannah, I don’t know how to pray.” Well you’re in luck because it’s easy to do! You can bow your head if you’d like, sit on your knees the whole shebang, or you can just talk to him on the way to work or wherever you’re heading next. You can talk to him in class, because he’s always listening and eager to hear from you.
I hope this was helpful for you guys! I know so many of us deal with this on a day to day basis and it’s so tough to go through something like this. If you ever need anything, feel free to send me an email and I’d be more than happy to talk to you. Also, my Prayer wall is always open and ready to fill with more prayers so if you need some then send me a message and I’d be more than happy to put you on the Prayer wall. So far about 30 people visit that part of my page every day so I’m sure some of them will be more than happy to take time to pray for you.
I hope y’all have a blessed day and comment down below what your summer plans are! I’m so excited to lay out in the sun and get my tan on!
So far my summer plans are Summer Camp this coming week! I leave Sunday June 4th and will be back on June 9th. However, my ACT is on June 10th so I won’t be able to post again until that Sunday after my ACT. I’m trying to write a few blogs to schedule to post for while I’m at camp so that you guys don’t get bored! I’m struggling with post ideas though so if you have any ideas of topics, or anything you want me to share let me know in the comments below!
Have a blessed day and remember that your relationship status does notdetermine your worth.
Verse of the Day
Jeremiah 29:11“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”