Hey you guys! So, I know I haven’t blogged in forever, but I just have to be honest with y’all. I have been struggling so much with my mental health lately. Between the stress of trying to find a new job, needing to save enough money to pay cash for a place in the next 2-3 years, and figuring out what career I want for myself, I’m immensely stressed beyond my eyeballs lol. Along with that, I’m currently going through something super tough with my parents and a special somebody in my life. I don’t want to get too into it, but I’ve broken their trust by not obeying them when they told me I couldn’t see this special somebody a few days ago. Me and that person messed up big time, but I’m currently trying to work on building that trust again, and hopefully making things right with my family. From this mistake we’ve made, we aren’t allowed to talk or see each other until I’m done with school. It’s going to be so so painful, so I ask for prayers while I try to get through this year! I will be adding this to my Prayer Wall!
Anyway, so this post is about that special someone. In the midst of all this chaos, I just want to take a minute to share how blessed I am. I’ve mentioned them before in a previous post, “The People who have had the biggest impact on my Faith.” You might be thinking, ” Hannah why are you sharing something so personal?” I’m sharing because I want to try to make something positive out of all my negatives that I’m feeling lately. I hope in sharing this that it will help somebody else who is struggling with the same or similar case, or show that it’s okay to be vulnerable at times and hopefully strengthen me in the end. As we are reminded to delight in weakness, for we are strong in those moments:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This person is one of the most Christ-Centered people I have met. They are compassionate, caring, never selfish, always kind, and never quick to be angry. They have been through so so much, yet they still are so positive all the time. They always look for the good in everyone. They are somebody that I aspire to be like when walking this path with the Lord. They have taught me how to get back up when you’ve been beaten to the ground. They’ve taught me that giving up is not the answer. They have taught me how to be more positive, even when it seems like nothing is positive around you. They have impacted my walk with the Lord so much. Lately, I had been slacking with my bible time with the Lord as I’m always saying ” I’m too tired” every time I get home, but they keep me accountable, and always help me make sure I’m taking the time out of my day to talk to him as he’s the only one who is going to fulfill me.
As I’ve said I’ve been struggling with my mental health lately, they’ve been there for me. There’s been many days where I’m like ” I give up, I can’t keep doing this,” but every time they guide me back to who I should be focusing on, and not on the negative thoughts my brain keeps telling me. There was this one day in particular that stands out to me. Some of you know I used to work as a bridal/formal consultant a few months ago. I ended up quitting because some of them treated me and my coworkers terribly, to the point I would be in tears at work sometimes. I started to obsess over losing weight again, because some would make comments about how ” If only you were a few sizes smaller,” because we would model and take pictures of our dresses and post them on our social media. It was like everything I did was wrong there, I couldn’t even stand the right way. Anyway, so those feelings built up over the almost year that I had been working there. This particular day it was like everybody was attacking me all at once, and I just couldn’t take anymore of it. I went on break and sat in my car for the whole break crying my eyes out. This person texted me asking if I was okay, and I didn’t want to bother them with it so I told them I was fine, but they insisted I tell them what’s wrong. Boy, am I glad I did. They encouraged me so much that day. They told me, ” Put on your armor of God, go back in there when you’re ready and know that God is with you this whole time. They can’t do anything to harm you as long as you focus on that. ” They told me I needed to pray about it and ask him for strength to get through that day. I always forget that God is the one I should be running to first when things go wrong. If it weren’t for them guiding me like that, I probably wouldn’t have made it through that work day lol.
This person has seen the worst of my emotional roller coaster over the past few years, yet they continue to still see the girl behind those emotions. For that, I am so so thankful.
I hope that this post is helpful for some of you guys, or just gives you a good read knowing that we’re not alone in our struggles and that we should try to turn those times that we are weak, into a time of strength. I know that is so much easier said than done, trust me! It’s a struggle for me to write this right now and to actually post it. I fear that I will be judged at times for the things I share, but I know that God is telling me this is what I should do. I know that this will reach somebody out there and in turn, it’ll help me as well.
I hope y’all have a blessed day and remember that the Lord is with you through everything, he’s your best-est friend, and always run to him first! He’s always listening, and his love never fails. I promise a more up beat post will be next! 🙂