Mean girls. I think every girl will encounter this group of girls, or even just one member at some point in her life. Whether it’s the popular girls at school, the girl who all the boys like, your ex best friend, other girls on social media, or sometimes they can even be somebody who is supposed to be an authority figure. Yeah, I didn’t think that last one was possible until it happened to me. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of mean girls when I was in public school, and I still do now on social media!
For those who don’t know, I’ve been having a tough time at my current job because of the mean girls at my work. It feels weird to call them girls cause they’re actually 30-40 something year old women who are supposed to be my mentors. It’s not just them being a little petty every now and then, it’s literally every day that I am there, they have many negative things to say to me and about me. The way I and some of my coworkers are treated there is just so unbearable sometimes that I will go to my car on my break and just cry my eyes out. That’s what I did this past Tuesday. The Saturday before this past Tuesday, a ” mentor ” from my job talked down to me as per usual, but it’s just not only the words they say, but the way they say it. They talk to me like I’m stupid, and talk about all the part time girls behind their backs. That’s not even half of it, but I’m not going into it today. Anyway, so on that Tuesday after one of the ” mentors ” talked down to me, I literally was losing it. I was having a horrible week, I had so many things on my plate, I was so stressed out that I just started bawling. I had to quickly clock myself out for lunch, then took my lunch out to my car and sat there for a good 40 minutes crying and trying to compose myself. It was just not a day that I could shrug off their hurtful words or roll my eyes at it later.
I was in my car trying so hard to stop myself from crying when one of my friends texted me and asked if I was okay. I really didn’t want to bother them with what was going on at the moment, so I told them that I wasn’t but not to worry about it, that I’ll be okay. I am the type of person who feels so bad when I talk about what I’m dealing with, or even just saying ” I’m not okay,” to somebody makes me feel so horrible because I feel I do not deserve to complain and that I want to be able to help them instead, not them listen to me ramble about unimportant things such as me crying over ” Mean girls ” at my job. They asked me again and again until I was like ” okay, whatever I’m going to talk to them about it and if that scares them off then it’s fine because I’m used to it. ” So, I started telling him what was going on, why I was so upset and he calmed me down so much and really helped me to turn the bad situation I was in, into a good one. I am somebody who needs a good half hour to an hour to just cry it out before I start rationalizing things and what I should be doing instead. After getting to vent about the whole situation and what I was dealing with, he told me the only words I needed to hear. He said, ” Hannah, just breathe. You’re not alone in this, you’re not the only one who has had to deal with this so you’re not alone. ” He continued, ” Put on your armour of God, pray for yourself to have the strength to forgive them for saying mean things and hurting your feelings. Pray for God’s protection as you are in your job. Have faith because God will come through and protect you.” That’s literally ALL I needed to hear and that was probably the only thing that would have calmed me down. That’s not even the only melt down I’ve had that he’s had the perfect answer to and I’m so greatful for that. He always asks if I’m okay when I’m really not okay, and somehow he knows when somethings up, even if we hadn’t talked yet all day. I’m still trying to figure out how, but I’m just going to say it’s God, because that’s the only way he would’ve known.
I had about 10 minutes before I had to get out of my car and go back inside work for another three hours, and I was dreading it so much that it made me cry more lol. I listened to what he said, and I just prayed to God that he would give me the strength to get through the next few hours I had left, and that I could keep withholding all the grudges I want to so desperately hold against those women. I was praying so hard that I wouldn’t cry my eyes out as soon as I saw their faces, because every time I see them, I feel like a failure and I feel like all they see is a failure. As soon as I walked into those doors after talking to God for a solid 15 minutes, I saw a fellow coworker who I enjoyed having around and she helped me get through those three hours so much. I feel like God put her shift right when I needed somebody to be there with me.
Enough about me, now you know that I’ve been through it and what has helped me overcome it so far and learn to be loving towards those ladies who are evil to me. The first step in loving the ” Mean girl(s)” is to understand why they are being so mean to you. They could be insecure, starving for attention even if it’s getting attention from hurting you, they could be taking their anger out from their home life onto you, or they could’ve been in your position before and they feel the only way to cope with that, is by becoming the person who put them down.
Now that you have a pretty good understanding of why these ” Mean girls” are so mean to you, how can you help them go from ” Mean girls,” to ” Kind girls.” Can evil and evil create love? No. So how are you going to turn evil to love? By showing evil love, because love overcomes everything. One way I started to show kindness to them is by opening doors for them, offering to hold things for them, holding the curtains for them when I see them coming towards the back of the store. Doing little things like that will stump them and make them think, ” wow why is she being so nice to me? I’m so mean to her but she’s still being nice to me?” This is also a great way to share the love of Christ, because what would Jesus do in this situation? He would love the evil out of the Mean girls!
Maybe showing acts of kindness to the mean girls isn’t doing quite enough to get rid of all the evil vibes. I suggest having a talk with them. I would pull them aside when they are available and tell them how you feel. If this is a group of girls, talk to the ” head ” of the group alone, because with her posse around, she might feel the need to keep holding her guard up, and will not listen to what you’re trying to tell her. So, just like in the movie ” Mean girls,” you would pull Regina George to the side and have a mini pow wow with her and figure out why she hates your guts so bad.
Next, you should talk to the rest of the girls, if there are any, seperatley. That way you can calm any raging seas that could possibly thrash over the wonderful conversation you had with the main girl of the group. Doing this in a calm, respectful manner may help the mean girls see that you’re really hurt about this, and if they have some kind of decent amount of kindness left in them, which I’m sure they do even if it’s way, way down there, then that might help them ease off of you a bit. This could also be a great way for you to mentor them, because maybe they need to talk but had nobody to talk to so in turn, they took their frustration out on you.
I know saying all those things is easier said than done, so here’s some encouragement to help you get the strength to stand up to the mean girls in a loving manner.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.